You can bend but never break me ’cause it only serves to make me more determined to achieve my final goal. And I come back even stronger. Not a novice any longer. ‘Cause you’ve deepened the conviction in my soul.
“I am grateful for my struggle.”
“Say it again,” she said.
“I am grateful for my struggle, ” I said through my tears… and at that moment, I truly meant it.
I am grateful for the way it has broken me wide open allowing me to see things from a depth that I didn’t have before. I am grateful that I know the darkness so that I can truly appreciate the light. And the light is so, so bright after the darkness. I am grateful for my lessons that have threatened to break me… but haven’t.
My son is an addict. There. I said it out loud. More people need to say these words without the fear of shame. There are so many of us affected by this deadly disease but no one wants to talk about it for fear of being judged. You must have been a bad parent to allow this to happen. Right? Wrong. Addiction is a disease that doesn’t discriminate – whether you come from dysfunction or harmony, it doesn’t matter. Unlike cancer or any other horrific disease, we have to show our support by not helping… not in the usual sense of the word. This is counter-intuitive because as a mother, it is deeply instinctive to want to protect our children and to try to ease their pain. Addiction is the only disease where saying no is the antidote and turning away from the ailing is the only hope for a cure. It is a disease that magnifies the pain that the addict is so desperately trying to numb and all you can do is hope that they will finally hurt badly enough to want to help themselves… because helping themselves is the only way out.
Oh, oh, yes I am wise but it’s wisdom borne of pain. Yes, I’ve paid the price but look how much I’ve gained. If I have to, I can face anything. I am strong. I am invincible. I am woman.
So… yes, I am grateful for my struggle because it has made me stronger than I have ever been before. It takes a lot of strength to give up the need to control and to just trust. Trust that everything is as it should be even if it seems so. totally. messed. up. Just trust.
I will not let my struggle define me but I will allow the growth that has occurred as a result of it, to shine from me and through me, beautifully.
GABRIOLA GIRL 
I am grateful to know you. This is so insightful. Sending you buckets of Love
Ah, thank you, Mary. Gratitude is contagious. For I, too, am grateful to know you. My bucket runneth over.:)
Kelly, your eloquent message is touching and inspirational, and the soundtrack…such a perfect choice. I admire your strength and courage. So happy to know you in the virtual world, and hope that someday we can chat face to face. Until then, here come the virtual hugs!
Thank you, Tyna for your kind words and I am glad that mine resonated with you. This song is just one of sooo many that run through my head on a daily basis. I often think in songs… It is easier lol I would love to have tea… or wine with you IRL but until then I am happy for your virtual friendship. Hugs received and reciprocated!
A worthy goal!
Sandra, it is the difference between thriving and just surviving… I would much rather thrive…. yes?
Hello,
I’m visiting from T@T.
I know your pain, my son is an addict. Your post was courageous and heart felt and this mother felt every tap of the keyboard, like a heartbeat. Thank you.
I have added your blog to my 31 Bloggers Series and I am following.
God bless.
Andrea’
Hopeannfaith, thank you for your comment. It means a lot to me that you felt my keyboard taps and I am sorry that you know my pain. Thank you for adding me to your series. I will check it out.
Oh you, I feel for you, so so much. You are one brave soul. I read somewhere that things start to get better the moment we’re brave enough to label our troubles and then voice them. [I know that’s certainly helped me: admitting I’m a domestic violence survivor and finding my voice through my blog – as a ‘stuck Mum’ has helped me no end]…..I really hope that you continue onwards, with that deep conviction, getting stronger each day. For yourself and for your son. As you say, cracks are where the light enters (and then shines back out of, illuminating everything with its brilliance and surety). Have faith (I know how flippant that sounds, but please do. Faith will see you through – if now faith in God then faith in yourself(ves) and your son and the professionals who are helping you all….thinking of you and sending you all my best wishes.
Kelly, Thank you for sharing. Ah my heart goes out to you. We all have our stuff. So sorry about your son, children are so hard they are a part of you always and when their’s break yours does too, so many times I wish it was me and not my kids. So hoping things work out for your son and for you. Thank you for putting it out there, I feel like so many people act like they have perfect lives and I am always wondering what is with me? Love that you just put it out there, so brave and in the end what will probably save your son and you!!!